i have been known to run. a lot at times, and a little at times. it is one of my favorite past-times and hobbies.
i run for a lot of reasons. one of the biggest among them is that it is part of what keeps me on the sane side of things. too many times i can feel myself out of balance when i don't run. i am not sure if it is a chemical thing, or simply a physical thing, but my wife can attest to the fact that i get not a bit crabby when i haven't been running for extended periods of time.
i also run because it is one of the most serene things that i can do for myself. i am able to focus on things that need my attention, work through things that are troubling or confusing to me, and i am able to meditate and pray over things when i am running. i find that even when i am pushing my own physical limits, there is a transcendent quality to running.
running is first and foremost a physical art form. there is delicate balance to pushing yourself at the appropriate times and developing a well thought out plan for increasing mileage, intensity, and physical capability. there is an efficiency of mechanics and motion that enable you to be a better or worse runner, and as with any art form the unmeasurable variable is always something connected to the desire of and guts of an individual.
one of the many joys for me when running is to run with other people. the collegial atmosphere, the understanding that we will push one another and cheer one another on, and feeling of people pushing themselves to be better than they are is electric.
running also helps me understand the cycle of life better: there are ups and downs; you have good runs and bad runs; you achieve your goals and at times you fail to achieve them; you experience near physical perfection of exertion and you experience injury at the most inopportune times; you are faced with tough choices of strategy and tactics; and you learn to work together in order to accomplish everybody's goals rather than just your own.
i will leave you with this quotation from steve prefontaine: "most people run a race to see who is fastest. i run a race to see who has the most guts."
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
it takes balance
life takes balance.
balance is not something we are good at in the good ole' u s of a. as a matter of personal opinion, i believe it is to blame for a lot of our problems in our country. think about it for a moment.
corporate greed -- out of balance contentment with sufficiency
failing marriages at alarming rates -- our of balance sense of commitment, what relationships should be
increasing and alarming rates of obesity -- out of balance self-care and dietary knowledge, not to mention marketing strategies of those companies promoting fast food
unchecked consumerism -- again out of balance sense of contentment with sufficiency
poverty in a country with more wealth than just about any other country in the world -- unbalanced sense of wants vs. needs on the part of those with wealth and power
i could go on for awhile, but i think the point has been made. we are out of balance.
in my own life this has shown up in several recent encounters and events.
1. my wife and i are close to closing on a house. we struggled a lot with what was enough space and how to best make a decision about location, layout, and design in order to promote a healthy balance in our lives and impact in the world. i hope we have made a conscientious and appropriate decision with the house we have chosen. what i do know is that this experience stretched me to think beyond myself. it forced me to think about how this decision would affect the unborn twin boys my wife is carrying and our relationship as husband and wife. it is by no means our dream home, but what i realized very early on is that i can be content in just about any home, but finding the balance of where contentment meets functionality is what would be significant in our search. this meant that there would be compromise on things and outright rejection of selfish wants on others.
2. i ran a relay marathon last weekend in coprus christi, tx. in some very irreverent yet genuine way, i felt that running in a city named for the body of christ was appropriate for the suffering that i inflicted upon myself. i knew i was going to run about 4.6 miles for months. i had done decent training leading up to the race, but with life surrounding me i let down the couple of weeks leading up to the race, and i paid for that. i ran poorly; i realized i was out of shape; and i came to the understanding that i have allowed my life to get out of balance in regards to exercise and self-care. i am trying to commit myself to more balance in that area in order to be a better person to be around, because i have learned that you cannot love your neighbor or your enemy if you do not first love yourself. that is why when christ tells us to love one another as we love ourselves it should have a shocking ring in our ears. we tend to love ourselves so extravagantly compared to the way we love others, but fail to do so for others. balance in our lives can lead to more authentic and significant service with and for others.
3. finally, a couple in our bible study is contemplating a job offer and move out of the area that we live in. while i have a lot of selfish reasons for wanting them to stay (i.e. i like them and they are cool people), i believe that the struggle they are experiencing in reaching a decision in the matter is one fundamentally of balance. they must find the balance of what is worth striving after and how to best care for their family and relationship. my best piece of advice is this: decide what balance is for you and make yourself resolute to maintain that balance. i believe in some ways god cares much more about us living wholly balanced lives of service in love than lives of erratic support. weighing the options of promotions, moves, family and friend connections can all seem overwhelming, but only two people know whether those things will be detrimentally out of balance if choices are made one way or another.
and in all of this, balance is not a juggling act so much as it is an exercise in self-knowledge and discernment. we must find what balance is for our own lives and protect that, even if it means, as one of my mentors once said, "saying no to jesus," because life takes balance.
balance is not something we are good at in the good ole' u s of a. as a matter of personal opinion, i believe it is to blame for a lot of our problems in our country. think about it for a moment.
corporate greed -- out of balance contentment with sufficiency
failing marriages at alarming rates -- our of balance sense of commitment, what relationships should be
increasing and alarming rates of obesity -- out of balance self-care and dietary knowledge, not to mention marketing strategies of those companies promoting fast food
unchecked consumerism -- again out of balance sense of contentment with sufficiency
poverty in a country with more wealth than just about any other country in the world -- unbalanced sense of wants vs. needs on the part of those with wealth and power
i could go on for awhile, but i think the point has been made. we are out of balance.
in my own life this has shown up in several recent encounters and events.
1. my wife and i are close to closing on a house. we struggled a lot with what was enough space and how to best make a decision about location, layout, and design in order to promote a healthy balance in our lives and impact in the world. i hope we have made a conscientious and appropriate decision with the house we have chosen. what i do know is that this experience stretched me to think beyond myself. it forced me to think about how this decision would affect the unborn twin boys my wife is carrying and our relationship as husband and wife. it is by no means our dream home, but what i realized very early on is that i can be content in just about any home, but finding the balance of where contentment meets functionality is what would be significant in our search. this meant that there would be compromise on things and outright rejection of selfish wants on others.
2. i ran a relay marathon last weekend in coprus christi, tx. in some very irreverent yet genuine way, i felt that running in a city named for the body of christ was appropriate for the suffering that i inflicted upon myself. i knew i was going to run about 4.6 miles for months. i had done decent training leading up to the race, but with life surrounding me i let down the couple of weeks leading up to the race, and i paid for that. i ran poorly; i realized i was out of shape; and i came to the understanding that i have allowed my life to get out of balance in regards to exercise and self-care. i am trying to commit myself to more balance in that area in order to be a better person to be around, because i have learned that you cannot love your neighbor or your enemy if you do not first love yourself. that is why when christ tells us to love one another as we love ourselves it should have a shocking ring in our ears. we tend to love ourselves so extravagantly compared to the way we love others, but fail to do so for others. balance in our lives can lead to more authentic and significant service with and for others.
3. finally, a couple in our bible study is contemplating a job offer and move out of the area that we live in. while i have a lot of selfish reasons for wanting them to stay (i.e. i like them and they are cool people), i believe that the struggle they are experiencing in reaching a decision in the matter is one fundamentally of balance. they must find the balance of what is worth striving after and how to best care for their family and relationship. my best piece of advice is this: decide what balance is for you and make yourself resolute to maintain that balance. i believe in some ways god cares much more about us living wholly balanced lives of service in love than lives of erratic support. weighing the options of promotions, moves, family and friend connections can all seem overwhelming, but only two people know whether those things will be detrimentally out of balance if choices are made one way or another.
and in all of this, balance is not a juggling act so much as it is an exercise in self-knowledge and discernment. we must find what balance is for our own lives and protect that, even if it means, as one of my mentors once said, "saying no to jesus," because life takes balance.
Monday, May 4, 2009
a theology of consumption
my wife and i are searching for our first home. with the expectation of our twins arriving sometime in august or september, we need more space than our current situation gives us. buying a new home has brought up a lot of considerations we had not previously thought of, mainly because we have not had them be of imminent concern.
one of the pressing issues at stake for me is what is enough house? what amount of space do we need, and how much are we willing to spend to procure that space? we have gone back and forth as we have been on a tour of homes and neighborhoods. some we think are way overpriced, others no character, some verging on too small, and yet more, wondering if we could make the amount of space work.
another issue at stake is what we want in a house. we know we spend a good amount of time in the kitchen, and eating meals with other people is important to us both communally and theologically. so that is one area that we really look to see what things are like and whether or not we feel we could make it work. we jokingly always told people that we would need a double vanity in our bathroom since we always seem to be bumping into one another at the sink in the morning or any other time that we are getting ready together. but it has struck me that this is perhaps one of the joys of not having a lot of space: that we would have to make sacrifices and compromises for one another. having a lot of space to spread our stuff out on seems great on the surface, but it also simply seems to be a way to separate ourselves, if only in the smallest of senses.
all of these issues and questions are issues of consumption. we live in a country besieged by consumption of all things material. if it isn't one thing that we are coveting after it is the next best thing to that thing, and i have to ask myself when it stops. consuming less takes intentional action on the part of the consumer. maybe one place to start is at the base of what we have built our culture on: the place we call home.
one of the pressing issues at stake for me is what is enough house? what amount of space do we need, and how much are we willing to spend to procure that space? we have gone back and forth as we have been on a tour of homes and neighborhoods. some we think are way overpriced, others no character, some verging on too small, and yet more, wondering if we could make the amount of space work.
another issue at stake is what we want in a house. we know we spend a good amount of time in the kitchen, and eating meals with other people is important to us both communally and theologically. so that is one area that we really look to see what things are like and whether or not we feel we could make it work. we jokingly always told people that we would need a double vanity in our bathroom since we always seem to be bumping into one another at the sink in the morning or any other time that we are getting ready together. but it has struck me that this is perhaps one of the joys of not having a lot of space: that we would have to make sacrifices and compromises for one another. having a lot of space to spread our stuff out on seems great on the surface, but it also simply seems to be a way to separate ourselves, if only in the smallest of senses.
all of these issues and questions are issues of consumption. we live in a country besieged by consumption of all things material. if it isn't one thing that we are coveting after it is the next best thing to that thing, and i have to ask myself when it stops. consuming less takes intentional action on the part of the consumer. maybe one place to start is at the base of what we have built our culture on: the place we call home.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
patience is a virtue
on a what's going on in the world note: it's earth day. we should all care for our earth a little better today (and every day). ironically my wife didn't drive our hybrid today because we are taking it this weekend up to dallas to go to a wedding. that makes me laugh a little...and realize that i am a bit neurotic. so do something good for Mother Earth today.
i am looking for a new job. i think i mentioned that in my last post. it is a difficult process. you want everything to happen so quickly and yet so much requires a great amount of patience, which i struggle with at times. when i can see possibilities in something i am especially impatient.
but this is perhaps a curse of our culture. we are often a "hurry up and wait" culture. we want so much to happen so fast, so we can then wait for the result. seems a little out of balance to me. but we are also an impatient culture. we want immediate gratification, results, and success. we don't really know how to wait. maybe that is something that we should all work on collectively as a culture.
my brother gave me the following pearl of wisdom upon learning of my ill fate in my last job pursuit: "Good things come to those who wait and keep looking in the meantime." i found it both encouraging and appropriately prodding that i not be so quick to make things happen, rather that i exhibit a little patience in a world primed for quick results.
i am looking for a new job. i think i mentioned that in my last post. it is a difficult process. you want everything to happen so quickly and yet so much requires a great amount of patience, which i struggle with at times. when i can see possibilities in something i am especially impatient.
but this is perhaps a curse of our culture. we are often a "hurry up and wait" culture. we want so much to happen so fast, so we can then wait for the result. seems a little out of balance to me. but we are also an impatient culture. we want immediate gratification, results, and success. we don't really know how to wait. maybe that is something that we should all work on collectively as a culture.
my brother gave me the following pearl of wisdom upon learning of my ill fate in my last job pursuit: "Good things come to those who wait and keep looking in the meantime." i found it both encouraging and appropriately prodding that i not be so quick to make things happen, rather that i exhibit a little patience in a world primed for quick results.
Monday, April 20, 2009
the opening of possibility
monday was not all it was cracked up to be today. it was not a great day. on the one hand, i secured my wife and i two tickets to see U2 in concert when they get to Dallas, TX on their current tour: U2 360. that was all it was cracked up to be. shortly before that i found out that i was not getting hired for a job i thought i had a good shot at procuring. this is a pressing matter for me since my current job ends on may 31st.
the aforementioned job going to someone else is outside of vocational ministry. and i see this as a huge possibility. i have worked now for 6 years in vocational ministry and i have been uncomfortable for all 6 years. i often even find myself uncomfortable in the christian mainline church that i am a member of. i am called to be a member in that mainline denomination. i feel that with the same certainly that i feel i will wake up for tomorrow morning. i am not sure that i have ever truly felt called to be in vocational ministry.
let me take you back a few years, if you are unfamiliar with my personal story. at the close of my undergraduate days at Southwestern University, i felt what i would term a calling to attend seminary. i was prepared to go to public policy school and focus on educational policy, but chose instead to follow a calling to go to seminary at Perkins School of Theology at SMU. i am glad that i did this. for three years of classroom work, i learned an immense amount, and i came out on the other side of this adventure much better able to think about and articulate my own theology. however, during that time i experienced what i would call partial discernment in vocation. i decided not to pursue ordination in the the mainline christian denomination i am a member of for a myriad of reasons. while those reasons don't matter here, suffice it to say that this was shocking to a number of people, and many people still try to sway me now to reevaluate this decision. because i decided not become ordained, i had to find a suitable internship to pursue my final year of seminary. i chose to come back to Southwestern University where i completed my internship and have been subsequently employed for the past two years. currently i am seeking employment in the university setting to pursue university administration as a long term goal.
but that isn't what this is about. it is about leaving vocational ministry and feeling very comfortable with that. when i decided that i wouldn't pursue vocational ministry in my next career iteration, i felt comfortable with that decision. a lot of people asked questions, mainly focused on why in the world i spent four years to get an advanced degree to not use it in their eyes. since i have made that decision i have seen a world of possibilities open up to me that i had forgotten i even had the time to think about when i was spending all day in ministry as my job. i think the bottom line for me is that i will have the time and energy to pursue ministry opportunities that i feel passionate about instead of turning them into a job. for whatever reason, around ministry, a job takes the passion away for me.
in some ways i feel like Jonah. i don't even necessarily like Jonah, i think that he shirked his loyalty, duty, obedience, and responsibility when it was plain to him what he was supposed to do. for the most part, we tend to call these people jerks in our society. but part of me finds some sort of identity in Jonah. i feel lost like he must have felt when something seems right and wrong at the same time. i also feel the unassuredness of stepping into territory that must have looked foreign. this might not have been where he felt like he wanted to go, but this was where he was needed.
i hope the ideas and passions i have for living life together can grow and blossom into something beautiful. for me the opening of possibility is not seeing greener grass, but seeing the dead grass in a new way.
the aforementioned job going to someone else is outside of vocational ministry. and i see this as a huge possibility. i have worked now for 6 years in vocational ministry and i have been uncomfortable for all 6 years. i often even find myself uncomfortable in the christian mainline church that i am a member of. i am called to be a member in that mainline denomination. i feel that with the same certainly that i feel i will wake up for tomorrow morning. i am not sure that i have ever truly felt called to be in vocational ministry.
let me take you back a few years, if you are unfamiliar with my personal story. at the close of my undergraduate days at Southwestern University, i felt what i would term a calling to attend seminary. i was prepared to go to public policy school and focus on educational policy, but chose instead to follow a calling to go to seminary at Perkins School of Theology at SMU. i am glad that i did this. for three years of classroom work, i learned an immense amount, and i came out on the other side of this adventure much better able to think about and articulate my own theology. however, during that time i experienced what i would call partial discernment in vocation. i decided not to pursue ordination in the the mainline christian denomination i am a member of for a myriad of reasons. while those reasons don't matter here, suffice it to say that this was shocking to a number of people, and many people still try to sway me now to reevaluate this decision. because i decided not become ordained, i had to find a suitable internship to pursue my final year of seminary. i chose to come back to Southwestern University where i completed my internship and have been subsequently employed for the past two years. currently i am seeking employment in the university setting to pursue university administration as a long term goal.
but that isn't what this is about. it is about leaving vocational ministry and feeling very comfortable with that. when i decided that i wouldn't pursue vocational ministry in my next career iteration, i felt comfortable with that decision. a lot of people asked questions, mainly focused on why in the world i spent four years to get an advanced degree to not use it in their eyes. since i have made that decision i have seen a world of possibilities open up to me that i had forgotten i even had the time to think about when i was spending all day in ministry as my job. i think the bottom line for me is that i will have the time and energy to pursue ministry opportunities that i feel passionate about instead of turning them into a job. for whatever reason, around ministry, a job takes the passion away for me.
in some ways i feel like Jonah. i don't even necessarily like Jonah, i think that he shirked his loyalty, duty, obedience, and responsibility when it was plain to him what he was supposed to do. for the most part, we tend to call these people jerks in our society. but part of me finds some sort of identity in Jonah. i feel lost like he must have felt when something seems right and wrong at the same time. i also feel the unassuredness of stepping into territory that must have looked foreign. this might not have been where he felt like he wanted to go, but this was where he was needed.
i hope the ideas and passions i have for living life together can grow and blossom into something beautiful. for me the opening of possibility is not seeing greener grass, but seeing the dead grass in a new way.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
community vs. communal
many things make up a person's identity, and only some of them are we able to control. mine is made up of parents who raised me well, who taught me to think for myself, and to accept the consequences for my decisions. it is also made up of very surface level things like..i am a male...i am married...i am going to be a father in a couple of months...i am white, educated, and middle class. there a lots of things that i could write, but one things consumes me more than others when i consider what i want other people to see in me.
it is this: i care more about being communal than being in a community.
let me explain. the word community comes from the latin meaning to have something in common or shared. it is a passive word. my favorite example is this: you can move into a neighborhood, apartment complex, or any other place of residence and you are in a community. you will have neighbors, yet it will not matter. you will not be required by anyone to care about who those other people around you are. you won't be required to help them in times of struggle or to provide for them on any level. there is no expectation, other than not wanting to be the creepy one on the block, that you will do more than live peacefully where it is you reside. end of story.
but to be communal is a different story altogether. it is to be active at its core. there is no do-nothing-option, because in reality, that is doing something. striving to be communal suggests that you care about something enough to move toward it, and it is my hope that this is positive. indeed there are plenty of things that are communal and yet destructive. however, at its most basic meaning, communal means to be doing things for the common good. which also suggests that it is leaning towards selflessness. (for a more technical image of this you could think about or read about the tragedy of the commons.)
and this ultimately is what i hope people see in me. and if they don't, i wish they knew that i was striving toward this because i believe in the deepest places of my being, that in doing things communally we will truly make the world a better place.
it is this: i care more about being communal than being in a community.
let me explain. the word community comes from the latin meaning to have something in common or shared. it is a passive word. my favorite example is this: you can move into a neighborhood, apartment complex, or any other place of residence and you are in a community. you will have neighbors, yet it will not matter. you will not be required by anyone to care about who those other people around you are. you won't be required to help them in times of struggle or to provide for them on any level. there is no expectation, other than not wanting to be the creepy one on the block, that you will do more than live peacefully where it is you reside. end of story.
but to be communal is a different story altogether. it is to be active at its core. there is no do-nothing-option, because in reality, that is doing something. striving to be communal suggests that you care about something enough to move toward it, and it is my hope that this is positive. indeed there are plenty of things that are communal and yet destructive. however, at its most basic meaning, communal means to be doing things for the common good. which also suggests that it is leaning towards selflessness. (for a more technical image of this you could think about or read about the tragedy of the commons.)
and this ultimately is what i hope people see in me. and if they don't, i wish they knew that i was striving toward this because i believe in the deepest places of my being, that in doing things communally we will truly make the world a better place.
Monday, April 6, 2009
a holy week worth living
i have a close friend who is going through a tough time this week. it has brought back a lot of memories for me of a special person that graced my life. i do truly mean that he graced my life. if you knew him you would know that willie was not one to back down from a challenge of any sort. he was tenacious to say the least.
willie was smart and vivacious and taken far too soon from us, but what will be the most lasting impact that willie had for me will be two things. first, he refused to let you be anything but your best. once he glimpsed even a bit of what your potential was, he was not willing to allow you settle for less. he wasn't overbearing about it, but he wouldn't allow you to half-ass things through life. he called you out and made you a better person. he is a person who continues to drive my dreams in memory of who he was.
second, willie lived out loud. he would not hold back what he thought or believed to impress or hide things from people. he also took joy in the small things. my wedding was the first and only wedding he ever went to in his adult life. he was so excited that he made sure everything was just right and even bought us a gift with his very own money, rather than the money both his mom and i thought he had spent of his parents'.
i pray that in this holy week we can see that living the life that jesus calls us to is more than about simply believing a list of things. it is also about doing and being. ultimately it is about being the justice and righteousness of god in others lives. and that makes it about being grace in other people's lives.
willie was smart and vivacious and taken far too soon from us, but what will be the most lasting impact that willie had for me will be two things. first, he refused to let you be anything but your best. once he glimpsed even a bit of what your potential was, he was not willing to allow you settle for less. he wasn't overbearing about it, but he wouldn't allow you to half-ass things through life. he called you out and made you a better person. he is a person who continues to drive my dreams in memory of who he was.
second, willie lived out loud. he would not hold back what he thought or believed to impress or hide things from people. he also took joy in the small things. my wedding was the first and only wedding he ever went to in his adult life. he was so excited that he made sure everything was just right and even bought us a gift with his very own money, rather than the money both his mom and i thought he had spent of his parents'.
i pray that in this holy week we can see that living the life that jesus calls us to is more than about simply believing a list of things. it is also about doing and being. ultimately it is about being the justice and righteousness of god in others lives. and that makes it about being grace in other people's lives.
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