the intimacy of empathy

in my last post i laid the foundation for the subject of this post, communion.

communion, in the christian tradition, has gone by many different names: the eucharist, the lord's supper, the sacrament of the table, sharing the table, the blessed sacrament, but they all point to the same theological undergirding: empathy.

no matter your theology of communion (and it can range from transubstantiation to purely symbolic), the basis of continuing in the practice of communion is empathic. the idea that you might share in an experience that is timeless and significant, at once transformative and communal, is what guides this practice.

there are different ways to receive communion, each typically emphasizing the theology at work in the particular practice that one experiences. i have been privileged to receive communion in many of the different ways, and one thing that stands true, for me, in all of the different ways is the way in which those whom i receive the elements of bread and wine with experience something as a community that provides the catalyst for greater transformation communally.

the idea that we can experience things together, through the basic elements of the earth transformed into food, should be thought of as revolutionary. there is a high level of intimacy involved in sharing food with others, and we probably take that for granted too much and miss its potential. in order to really get to know you, i will probably ask that we share a meal at some point in order to do so. it seems logical then to suggest that we might effect more change, develop deeper relationships, or know those points of view that differ from our own more completely if we are willing to include activities that allow us a level of comfort and experience from which we can draw on later.

the intimacy of empathy is what can provide for communion with others and transformative change to occur in our own lives. and then we can set ourselves to the work of communal action for which are prepared by our empathic sharing.

the vast chasm between sympathy and empathy

the last several posts about food have been built on a foundation of the shared experience. there is a power in an experience shared that doesn't exist in something that is experienced in solitude. when you are alone you cannot ask someone else if they just noticed this or that, if they felt that, or if they experienced something the same way as you.

i can hear some of the more astute readers protesting right now, that this is technically, if not categorically, incorrect. i was a philosophy minor after all in college. but i am not talking about the universal. i am pointing to the particular. i am making the subtle difference between sympathy and empathy stand out in the vast chasm which separates them.

i want you to think of empathy. those feelings and emotions, reactions and memories that are called up by having been practically speaking in the same place as another, not just similarly placed.

it is in these moments that we can probe the deeper things at work when we share with one another a beer brewed to perfection, a steak grilled without flaw, and vegetables seasoned from the earth, and yet, have something profoundly pass between us in our togetherness.

our small group experiences this at least once a year. we share the seder meal together. it is a traditionally jewish meal. it is derived from the jewish experience of passover that is passed down from one generation to the next in a narrative that shapes an entire culture. something special happens for us once a year when we share the tastes, the words, and feelings of the seder. we try to give voice to that afterward, but are not always successful at describing the ineffable.

i have found that as i have become more of an "adult" and "grown up," it becomes increasingly difficult to have these experiences. they must be scheduled. there are interruptions, excuses, reasons to not go and do. our culture seems to like it that way. i hope we can slowly change our culture, together.

meet me at babe's

one would think that in america, where we love our portion sizes enormous, family style eating would be popular. sharing meals with one another in larger groups over hours of raucous story-telling and spirits should be something that we enjoy.

but the very things that make up the idea of enjoying family style eating are what diminish its attractiveness to americans in my opinion. for example:

1. we like large portions. but we don't like to share those portions. i order my food at a restaurant because it is what i want, not what we might enjoy sharing. it is downright un-american, indeed, to share all the parts of our meal together. we might just lose a little piece of that enduring, rugged individualism that has made us what we are today as a country. or we might just lose a few pounds on the waistline. either way, i know we shrink back at the idea that we might have to compromise over things.

2. i think we see eating as utilitarian. i, too often, fall into this category. it is something that we have to do to maintain life and "health" statuses (but let's not get too carried away on the whole healthy thing, after all this is america). i eat with speed you have not seen and as though my food is going to disappear all too quickly if it isn't cleared off my plate. the idea that we might sit around sharing food and drink for hours at a time, seems counter-productive to our culture that demands productive progress, not exploratory and educational conversation.

3. eating family style means we share a closeness or level of comfort with acceptance of everyone at the table. to pass a plate or bottle around is a tacit way of offering yourself to another person. without saying the words and by participating in family style eating we exhibit the idea that what i have is for us, and not me alone. this is a corollary of #1. and yet, we do a great deal in our culture to wall ourselves off from others in our homes, with our fences, in our cars, and individualized, compartmentalized, and specialized lives. we are good at this. and we are inversely bad at sharing ourselves.

there are several places that i can enjoy family style eating where all bets are off. my favorite is something that i can't get in austin where i live: Babe's Chicken Dinner House. oh the gloriousness!

what would you add to the list?