penny for your thoughts

curious to know what the (small) readership thinks of the following statement:

sunday school does not equal small group.

thoughts in the comments.

the intimacy of empathy

in my last post i laid the foundation for the subject of this post, communion.

communion, in the christian tradition, has gone by many different names: the eucharist, the lord's supper, the sacrament of the table, sharing the table, the blessed sacrament, but they all point to the same theological undergirding: empathy.

no matter your theology of communion (and it can range from transubstantiation to purely symbolic), the basis of continuing in the practice of communion is empathic. the idea that you might share in an experience that is timeless and significant, at once transformative and communal, is what guides this practice.

there are different ways to receive communion, each typically emphasizing the theology at work in the particular practice that one experiences. i have been privileged to receive communion in many of the different ways, and one thing that stands true, for me, in all of the different ways is the way in which those whom i receive the elements of bread and wine with experience something as a community that provides the catalyst for greater transformation communally.

the idea that we can experience things together, through the basic elements of the earth transformed into food, should be thought of as revolutionary. there is a high level of intimacy involved in sharing food with others, and we probably take that for granted too much and miss its potential. in order to really get to know you, i will probably ask that we share a meal at some point in order to do so. it seems logical then to suggest that we might effect more change, develop deeper relationships, or know those points of view that differ from our own more completely if we are willing to include activities that allow us a level of comfort and experience from which we can draw on later.

the intimacy of empathy is what can provide for communion with others and transformative change to occur in our own lives. and then we can set ourselves to the work of communal action for which are prepared by our empathic sharing.

the vast chasm between sympathy and empathy

the last several posts about food have been built on a foundation of the shared experience. there is a power in an experience shared that doesn't exist in something that is experienced in solitude. when you are alone you cannot ask someone else if they just noticed this or that, if they felt that, or if they experienced something the same way as you.

i can hear some of the more astute readers protesting right now, that this is technically, if not categorically, incorrect. i was a philosophy minor after all in college. but i am not talking about the universal. i am pointing to the particular. i am making the subtle difference between sympathy and empathy stand out in the vast chasm which separates them.

i want you to think of empathy. those feelings and emotions, reactions and memories that are called up by having been practically speaking in the same place as another, not just similarly placed.

it is in these moments that we can probe the deeper things at work when we share with one another a beer brewed to perfection, a steak grilled without flaw, and vegetables seasoned from the earth, and yet, have something profoundly pass between us in our togetherness.

our small group experiences this at least once a year. we share the seder meal together. it is a traditionally jewish meal. it is derived from the jewish experience of passover that is passed down from one generation to the next in a narrative that shapes an entire culture. something special happens for us once a year when we share the tastes, the words, and feelings of the seder. we try to give voice to that afterward, but are not always successful at describing the ineffable.

i have found that as i have become more of an "adult" and "grown up," it becomes increasingly difficult to have these experiences. they must be scheduled. there are interruptions, excuses, reasons to not go and do. our culture seems to like it that way. i hope we can slowly change our culture, together.

meet me at babe's

one would think that in america, where we love our portion sizes enormous, family style eating would be popular. sharing meals with one another in larger groups over hours of raucous story-telling and spirits should be something that we enjoy.

but the very things that make up the idea of enjoying family style eating are what diminish its attractiveness to americans in my opinion. for example:

1. we like large portions. but we don't like to share those portions. i order my food at a restaurant because it is what i want, not what we might enjoy sharing. it is downright un-american, indeed, to share all the parts of our meal together. we might just lose a little piece of that enduring, rugged individualism that has made us what we are today as a country. or we might just lose a few pounds on the waistline. either way, i know we shrink back at the idea that we might have to compromise over things.

2. i think we see eating as utilitarian. i, too often, fall into this category. it is something that we have to do to maintain life and "health" statuses (but let's not get too carried away on the whole healthy thing, after all this is america). i eat with speed you have not seen and as though my food is going to disappear all too quickly if it isn't cleared off my plate. the idea that we might sit around sharing food and drink for hours at a time, seems counter-productive to our culture that demands productive progress, not exploratory and educational conversation.

3. eating family style means we share a closeness or level of comfort with acceptance of everyone at the table. to pass a plate or bottle around is a tacit way of offering yourself to another person. without saying the words and by participating in family style eating we exhibit the idea that what i have is for us, and not me alone. this is a corollary of #1. and yet, we do a great deal in our culture to wall ourselves off from others in our homes, with our fences, in our cars, and individualized, compartmentalized, and specialized lives. we are good at this. and we are inversely bad at sharing ourselves.

there are several places that i can enjoy family style eating where all bets are off. my favorite is something that i can't get in austin where i live: Babe's Chicken Dinner House. oh the gloriousness!

what would you add to the list?

a childhood lived together

i am more and more convinced that one truism in life is that you appreciate your parents more as you get older. there are, obviously, exceptions to this, but as you get older you begin to understand the perspective by which they lived through the days and nights of parenthood.

my parents were and are generous people. whether or not they really wanted to, they taught me what i have come to see as a virtue of food culture: to be hospitable and generous is a higher calling.

just about every day of the summer my friends and i engaged in an endless cycle of activity that went something like this: 1. get up fairly early and assemble said friends if not already present. 2. commence outside activity of running around, riding bikes, playing basketball, football, or home run derby until it became too hot to be outside without the aid of 100s of gallons of water. 3. go to a friend's pool and stay in it for the rest of the afternoon and into the early evening. 4. eat dinner...eventually. 5. find one person's house to stay at that night. 6. eat and drink nearly everything in sight. 7. stay up entirely too late. 8. repeat steps 1-7.

our merry band of friends numbered 4-5 and we could eat in our teenage years. and our parents let us. they allowed us to form bonds over the shared experience of a childhood lived together in happiness and struggle, fun times and hard times that friendships inevitably will come upon, and successes and failures as we grew older.

whether or not our parents meant to do this is now inconsequential. i think they taught all of us something much more important than we could have intentionally taught ourselves: that to share and live together is greater and more fulfilling than to isolate ourselves and create an island of our own personality.

much of my childhood was literally lived with the same 5-6 guys and they are still close friends today. they were the groomsmen in my wedding; they were the people i called first to let them know we were having a baby...and then 2 babies a couple of weeks later; they are still the people i feel a longing to know how they are doing and what is going on in their lives. they are most likely a part of who i am and feel most connected to.

and much of this was developed over shared food and drink, over nights spent bleary-eyed and tired but not wanting to let go of the fun to fall asleep, and over the countless hours of unconscious weaving of life experienced together that we didn't realize was happening.

we all owe a lot to our parents. they taught us that to be generous and hospitable was and is greater than anything else we had going on in our lives. i am sure that we were an inconvenience in their lives from time to time, but they must have seen the bigger picture and noticed what was happening day after day after day. and for that words cannot contain the gratitude that i suspect we all have for them.

what is a locavore anyway?

our little community of people, with whom we have been meeting for 4 yrs now, was presented with an intriguing opportunity recently. we could purchase a cow. we could not only purchase this cow, but we could have said purchased cow slaughtered, butchered, and packaged for our consumption.

and so purchase a cow we did! just a couple of weeks ago some of our friends brought our portion of the cow to our house, and we have since been trying to figure out ways to eat dishes consisting of beef. our first dish was a delectable brown sugar meatloaf. what can i say, i am a sucker for down-home favorites.

the cow we purchased was not grain-fed or fattened. our cow was raised on grass, not too far from our house and slaughtered and processed locally as well. it was participation in what is called being a locavore (maybe just the light version, but you have to start somewhere right?). purchasing food from producers in close geographic radius to your home can have far reaching impact on the local economy -- not to mention the added bonus of knowing how your food was raised and grown.

all of this is basic stuff that can lead to bigger questions. what is the right balance of food production? how do you eat healthy and locally and maximize your impact on the local economy and food production with your limited budget (i assume none of my few loyal readers are extremely wealthy, and if you are i want to talk to you about other things!)? what are the ethical and moral impacts of these choices? it is more complicated than you probably think. and how should we go about getting our food?

let's explore food together.

still looking

i am still looking for a job.

that is a somewhat depressing sentence to write. i have tried to fill my time each day with constructive activities, i.e. actually looking for said elusive job that is supposedly out there (at least that is what all the media outlets say about ATX), reading books i have come across, working on projects for a non-profit i am on the board of directors for, doing chores around the house, and running on some days. this is all great in theory, but these things become repetitive at best and teetering on boredom at worst. i am not sure it is a universal feeling (probably not, having at least some insight into human motivation from pastoral care work i have done), but any time that i am not looking for a job i get a twinge of guilt. i rationalize this to myself on almost a daily basis that you surely can't look for a job 24/7 or even 8/5.

what i do know is that this extended time seems to have slowly sucked the creativeness out of me. i have found that reading helps to provoke ideas in my head and running helps refresh my mind and soul for both motivation and the beauty of endorphin release. so, i try to be more disciplined about these things as the days pass.

update finished. on to a new idea:

i want to write about food. not only the importance of sustenance and what that means, but the connections to a life lived spiritually and how food plays a role in and impacts that life. but i want this to be communal. so what questions, ideas, quandaries, comments do you have? with questions i will do my best to answer. with ideas, quandaries, comments, i will do my best to respond. use the comment space below to participate.

sharing is fun; my mother taught me that. so share in this idea and exploration with me.

vive le tour!

it is arguably my favorite time of year. as the july heat is ratcheted up in the lone star state, so the summer in france sizzles with excitement. it is time for the tour de france, or simply le tour.

as they hurl toward the prologue, riders from 22 teams will each take their turn to churn out 8.9km as fast as they can in an atmosphere of exhibition on saturday. to be sure this will be the beginning of a gut wrenching covering of 3,642km over 20 stages with a couple of rest days sprinkled in between. there will be big names who crash, big names who fail to live up to expectation, and big names who are disgraced - only adding to the blight and shadow that doping casts over the sport. but there will also be big names and unheralded names who conquer both mountain and flats to rise victorious, even if only for a day. and they will succeed on the backs of their teams as they pull them through stage after stage and only one man is left atop the podium donning the yellow jersey that is known the cycling world over.

dirty racing is something that we unfortunately come to expect in the cycling world. we wonder if humans are really capable of achieving the feats they seem to accomplish in the days leading up to failed tests. we know that it will be present this year, but we hope that it will be lessened in each of the successive races. whole teams are beginning to make efforts to clean up the sport (see team garmin-transitions). riders are tested more often, especially if your initials are la (just follow @lancearmstrong to find out just how often that is). as a devoted cycling fan i can only hope that this year will be cleaner than last and the next even more so.

despite all the dark publicity brought to the sport every year in doping scandals, i find myself excited and ready to watch the 22 teams begin a quest to accomplish their goals both as individuals and as cooperatives. it is compelling to think that no man can succeed in winning the tour on his own, he is constantly in debt and dependent upon the team whose colors he pulls on each morning. the cooperative nature of this type of sport reminds me time and time again that we are not alone. that in our greatest successes and failures there are others who celebrate and agonize with us. vive le tour!

qualities of a job search

patience and silence.

my wife can attest to the fact that i am phenomenal (probably to a fault at times) at the latter and not so phenomenal at the former. these are traits that i have known about myself for a long time in my short life. i appreciate running alone in the rain, left to my own thoughts of solitude. i struggle though to occupy myself for more than a couple of days and find boredom sets in when i know i would rather be working. my patience being tested while driving frequently results in high levels of in-car tension. but when my wife falls asleep in minute 21 of driving, i don't mind driving the rest of the 4 hours in complete silence to myself.

these are qualities and characteristics of a job search. it has only taken three days of unemployment for me to figure out which parts are going to be difficult for me to withstand and which will be un-affecting to me.

some years back i spent 7 weeks in costa rica studying sustainable development. while there one of the professors spent free time indulging the hobby of bird watching. it was something that i had never participated in, but having lugged my binoculars all the way to costa rica, i wanted to get some good use out of them, and this was a great opportunity. i wasn't sure what to expect of the bird watching experience. i am not even sure i can remember having any expectations. but on the first morning we traipsed out into the jungle i was hooked. we caught glimpses of three wattled bellbirds and the resplendent quetzal. it was majestic to wait, listen, locate, and see birds that are indigenous to that part of the world and are beautiful in their natural setting.

and so i was sitting on my back porch, sipping my morning coffee, and watching the bird feeder as it occurred to me that job searching is like bird watching. you have to combine and hone the skills of patience and silence. waiting and listening for birds requires a measure of patience for which i was tested at times. you can sit for agonizing minutes at a time hearing and seeing nothing. once you hear a bird, searching for, locating, and actually seeing that bird without them flying off is a fete of accomplishment at times and requires a desire to persist even when it isn't easy. and the first rule of bird watching is not that there is no bird watching, but that silence is prized only below seeing a new species of bird previously unlocated through the glass refraction of your binoculars.

job searching mimics this practice. you have to exhibit patience in waiting for and locating the jobs that you are qualified to apply for. once you apply you have to find comfort in waiting patiently and absorbing the silence of days passed and emails and calls unreceived. i can imagine that moment of ending the run of employment as breathtaking in its own rite, just as you skip a breath the first time you see a rare bird or hear its distinctive call in your ears.

and so i have come to the conclusion that i must continue refining the skills of patience and silence -- it will probably pay off in the long run, just like seeing the beauty of the birds.

ready go: open-source church

a phrase you have heard a lot lately is open-source. open-source is the opposition of closed-source. and mostly it is something you hear about in the tech world, where software and programming development is paid for at a premium. there are those out there, though, that see an intrisic value in developing software and programs such that others have a say in it, can change or modify it, or use it freely.

google and apple tend to be the two examples used in this argument. but an interesting thing is happening as we inch toward a post-christian society in america. people are beginning to talk about open-source church. there are ideas percolating that people hope will revitalize the church in a new and fresh way. i have been thinking about this idea a lot and am curious what other think when they hear open-source church.

ready go: open-source church...your thoughts, comments, questions, etc. are all welcome.

vitality of the church

i recently participated in a survey about the structure and design of my denominational church. one of the questions in the survey asked the respondents to comment on what it meant for the church to be vital. below is my response to that question.

"Vitality within the church looks like diverse populations interacting to bring about authentic worship and participating in life giving, loving, and dignifying mission, community building, education, growth, and evangelism. I would be remiss not to also mention that vitality in part is driven by a desire to seek deeper communion with fellow members of the community through communal interaction both within and without the church. Most importantly, however, a vital church is one that is not defined by the actions of Sunday, rather the robust actions of the members throughout the week in their diverse settings. "

what did i miss? where did i err? what are you thoughts about what makes a church vital?

why food matters

something a lot of people don't know about me is that i have a secret passion for food. i love to cook. i love to go to the grocery store. i love to indulge in the beauty and depth of flavor that is a well cooked and fashioned meal. mostly i love the chemical and visual transformation that comes with cooking your own food.

last week i posted about jamie oliver's crusade to change the way public schools, specifically, and the general population eat. i would still encourage you to take the 20 mins. to watch the TED talk he gave. he has seen proven results through his initiatives. he brings an unmistakable passion and excitement to the issue.

indulge me in an aside for a moment. when my wife and i spent the week of easter in wales and england two years ago we stayed with some of her relatives who were living in wales at the time. while we were there, we decided to have a meal that featured a recipe by jamie oliver. the centerpiece of deliciousness was a leg of lamb. being in wales, we went down to the local butcher shop in the town, pictured below, and asked said butcher for a leg of spring lamb. this is an important distinction because you can get meat from different kinds of lambs by asking for a specific type of lamb.

in any event the conversation turned to our obviously non-welsh/english accents and the third generation butcher had some, well let's say strong opinions. he first told us how much he loved the united states. in fact, he told us, he would move there given the opportunity and financial assurance that he would be o.k. once he hopped the pond. in course of conversation he asked what we were doing with said leg of lamb and he was told that jamie oliver had a great recipe for leg of lamb...MISTAKE. so started the 5 min. rant on the cooking misery that is jamie oliver to this fine welsh butcher. the zenith of his argument was the statement, "jamie oliver's a bloody englishman. all you are going to do is ruin this leg of lamb." this was then followed with the explanation of how the welsh disdain the english like americans do canadians. imagine a bloodied and gruff welsh butcher showing his highest level of exasperation and you have the complete picture. we cheerfully accepted his two cents and set off to cook. for the record, the lamb was magnificent. and i don't think jamie oliver is all that bad.

back to the main point: our food culture in the united states is killing us. literally. we have traded in true beauty and the wonder of watching the hidden chemical reactions of cooking for fast food convenience and poor health effects. study after study has shown that our current food and eating habits have resulted in off-the-charts levels of diseases that are killing us at alarming and early rates. add to this that children are suffering astounding levels of diseases directly related to food consumption and epidemic is probably not too strong of a word to describe the situation.

so why care? i eat healthy most of the time. i exercise and i care for myself. i get 7+ hours of sleep a night.

i believe this is more than a compartmentalized issue. i believe this is in part a religious issue. we are mandated to care for our bodies as though they were temples. this is more than filling it with trash and allowing it to devolve into disrepair. caring for our neighbors and loving others is not shown is putting the small farmer out of business in the interest of big agriculture and genetically modified foods. ethically, the issues are deeper than most of us will ever grasp. but more than anything i have found that the more i care about where my food comes from, the more i find myself in relationship with the people and places my food comes from.

in the process of losing the magic of cooking we are sacrificing relationships that can prove transformative and significant, all the while killing ourselves. this seems more costly than even the smallest sacrifice of convenience, processed food, and wasteful stewardship. here's to reclaiming the magic of the culinary arts.

he's a chef badass

no really; jamie oliver is just that.

if you haven't followed jamie oliver over the last several years he has been on a crusade to change the way children eat in schools. he recently had the opportunity to give a TED talk about his passions. i hope you will take the 22 min. to watch the talk.

love

i realized as soon as the idea crystallized in my head that this was going to be cliche for the month of february...but there is no turning back at this point.

our little band of community that meets at our house every wednesday night (for about the past 4 years) has been talking about love the last several weeks. we have been talking about the way in which we show love to others in particular. and to be very specific, we have been chewing on the idea that we show love through action and how that changes us as individuals and hopefully as a community. it has been great and insightful conversation. we have been open and vulnerable with one another and shared deep examples of things going on in our own lives that are challenging us to show love. because love isn't always easy.

so i put it to my few faithful readers: how do you show love? and how does love change you?

waiting for it

a couple of administrative things to take care of first.

1. you should read jon acuff's blog. at stuff christians like there is much hilarity, but what is so attractive to me is the honesty which seems to shine through in jon's writing. he has written a book...so i recommend that you buy it and read it. i am willing to bet you will laugh while reading. a lot. i don't know jon, although it would be cool if i did, because he seems like a cool guy, but i think more people should read his stuff.

2. an update on my running progress: i have been running a lot and will run a 5k this weekend. more details to follow about that after the weekend.

on to other matters:

i am out of a job at the end of may. this, in some ways, has been looming over me and gives me some pause, at least daily, at this point. way back in august i was able to compartmentalize this without much thought, because...well...it was august and not february. but now it is february and i have few, if any, prospects. while diligently trying to look, enduring many questions about this on an almost daily basis, and generally beginning to despise talking about this fact, i have found that i feel less and less positive about the whole job-hunting prospect as days seem to tick by as though they were seconds.

to be sure, people try to be reassuring to you. i can list a litany of responses given to you, but let a few suffice: "you are so talented, i am sure something will come up for you," or "i would keep you around if i were in charge," or maybe my favorite in the bunch - "you just have to have faith that the right thing will come along."

all of these things are generally accepted by me with a smile and a nod...and a whole lot of internal screaming. at some point you decide, "if i were really as talented as people tell me i am, i should be the head talent scout of all talent scouts." through this i have noticed that our culture is one of niceties. we want desperately for people to feel good about things and ignore the fear, emptiness, and frustration that comes from the vantage point of comfort and luxury of an already assured place. and the last mentioned response simply chafes against my own theology that faith does not get you hired. to be fair, there is nothing inherently wrong with the statement. it assumes that my or anyone's getting hired is a matter of faithfulness and obedience in which i am objectified as an automaton. i digress.

all of this is not to elicit a response of pity from anyone, but rather to point out that our culture is excellent at filling appropriately silent space with words of false assurance. you can note a similar phenomenon when tragedy strikes those close to us. words are used in an attempt to fill a chasm of grief, shock, and confusion, and most of the time those words are pithy. perhaps presence alone is more resounding than words. this is definitely a concept i can literally feel myself learning.

so, i am out of a job at the end of may and the prospects are slim. i have genuine fear about what i am going to do and how things are going to end up. in moments of self doubt i question the paths of life that have led me to this point, or at times whether or not my theological stance is hindering a more comfortable existence right now. what i have learned most though is that neither of these things changes your prospect for a job or allays your fears. what does allay my fears is hope. hope is assurance in the unseen. it is paradoxical by nature, and it resides in a presence of family and friends who hopefully know what to say and what not to say.

changing to remain

some things never change.

the old saying is supposed to give us comfort in times of turmoil or stress in our lives. it supposedly points to a constancy in which there are certain things in this world that remain the same, as though sameness were a prized possession. status quo is worth striving after if indeed we believe that some things never change. because after all those things should be the ones that are most time-tested, true to the world around us, and solidly rooted in reality.

however, heraclitus, an ancient greek philosopher stated: "on those who step in the same river, different and different waters flow . . ." the world does indeed change. those things that we presume to be the same are different, changed by time, place, and circumstance. while we may step in the same river by name, the waters we step into are different as they flow around our legs. the water is constantly changing. i wondered with a bit of marvel what an old ranch house had seen in its years set in a field. and i recognized that it had been changed by the years of weather, growth of crops and grass around it, and the changing landscape of roads that rushed me by.

running gives me a sense of the greatest movements of the earth. it is through running that i find my clearest thinking and moments of discernment. the world seems to be more present to me when i run through nature. as i have rekindled my relationship with running i have had a lot of time to think about what changes and what remains the same. my season of life has been tumultuous. my wife and i bought a house, had kids, i am out of a job in may and have been looking for one since the beginning of the year. and yet through all of these things, no matter how stressful, it is as though when i run these things are simply the way in which the world revolves on its axis and draws me closer to rhythms of being human. and most off all it has reminded me of my belief that we are all created to be in relationship with one another.

although our relationships evolve, our longing for companionship and our need for others to support us remains a familiar call. perhaps the saying should read "all things change, our need remains."

it's an old friend

running is like an old friend to me.

i haven't run for about 6 months. you know the birth of twin boys, moving into a new house, the holidays; i have a list of excuses many, many pages long. the truth is i just haven't made the time or effort to run, much less exercise in the past 6 months. and so i ventured out onto the pavement and over grass medians and across sidewalks yesterday to run again for the first time.

running for me is like riding bike. i know the skills and mechanics of the sport really well, so i haven't forgotten how to do it, but there is always a learning curve upon a new beginning with the sport. my legs ached, my lungs burned, and my energy was quick to deplete. i started out at a good clip only to find myself mentally and physically fatiguing very quickly.

but after the run i felt like i had rekindled something important. it was reminiscent of picking up the phone and actually calling that old friend that you have been meaning to talk to and catch up with, or letting go of a misunderstanding between an old friend that has kept you from calling. it smacked of familiarity, and that strange void of knowing that there is more to learn and catch up on.

running is like an old friend to me that is slowly becoming a familiar friend again.